1 00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:06,020 Good night, lowell. Last one out locks up. 2 00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:08,020 No problem. Night, helen. 3 00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:35,320 That old black magic Has me in its spell 4 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:40,320 That old black magic That you weave so well 5 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,030 The icy fingers Up and down my spine 6 00:00:44,030 --> 00:00:45,530 The same, the same, The same 7 00:00:46,030 --> 00:00:47,460 The same old witchcraft 8 00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:49,870 When your eyes meet-- 9 00:00:49,870 --> 00:00:50,870 Mine. 10 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,540 Uh, hi, joe. 11 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,540 Thought I was The only one here. 12 00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,880 Uh, just, uh, Checking out the microphone. 13 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,880 Ha! Well, it seems to Work great. 14 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,880 Oh, well, good night. 15 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:08,890 See you tomorrow. 16 00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:10,390 Good night, lowell. 17 00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:12,060 [door closing] 18 00:01:19,230 --> 00:01:21,230 Final game Of the world series. 19 00:01:21,230 --> 00:01:24,230 2 outs. Bottom of the 9th. The red sox are down by... 20 00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:27,240 [seagulls cawing] 21 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,200 (brian) Nantucket tower, 22 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,900 This is cessna nevada 1-2-1 papa-papa. 23 00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:35,410 Request permission To change altitude To 5,000 feet. Over. 24 00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:37,410 (man) Roger, sandpiper. Affirmative. Out. 25 00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:39,910 [sighing] 26 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,910 Joe, 27 00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:45,750 Is there something A little eerie About this flight? 28 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:49,050 I mean, I think it's this tour group That you booked. 29 00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:53,020 Not one of them Has said a word Since they got on the plane. 30 00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:57,190 And something's wrong here. Something's terribly, Terribly wrong. I mean, 31 00:02:57,190 --> 00:02:58,560 It's almost as if... 32 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,560 They've turned Into mannequins! 33 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,070 [screaming] 34 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,840 Funny, brian. 35 00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:11,210 Why are we Flying mannequins? 36 00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:15,210 Why can't we fly humans? It's what a real airline's Supposed to do, isn't it? 37 00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:17,710 Hey, it's the off-season. You take whatever business Comes your way. 38 00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:19,220 According to my figures, 39 00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:20,880 We're barely going To squeak through. 40 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,390 Well, ever since you lost Your pilot's license 41 00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:24,890 You've been obsessing About this company's finances. 42 00:03:24,890 --> 00:03:26,290 I wish you'd stop Worrying about it. 43 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:27,920 Somebody's gotta worry. 44 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:31,260 Ladies and gentlemen, 45 00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:34,260 Just encountering A little turbulence here. 46 00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:36,270 In the unlikely event Of a water landing, 47 00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:40,270 Please use the passenger In front of you As a flotation device. 48 00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:42,270 Oops, seem to have Had a little mishap Back there, joe. 49 00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:43,770 Better put that leg back on. 50 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,040 How many pioneers of aviation Have said those very words? 51 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:51,350 Joe. 52 00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,350 Joe, come here For a second, will you? 53 00:03:54,350 --> 00:03:56,850 This guy tries to sue us He won't have A leg to stand on. 54 00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:57,850 [chuckling] 55 00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:01,520 A leg to stand on. 56 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,430 [blowing] Hello? Is this thing on? 57 00:04:03,430 --> 00:04:05,230 Would you shut up? Take a look at that. 58 00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:07,130 What? 59 00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,630 Nantucket tower. This is cessna nevada 1-2-1 papa-papa. 60 00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:12,640 Have you got Any other aircraft In the vicinity? Over. 61 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,640 (man) No traffic in the area. Over. 62 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:15,640 Nothing at all? Over. 63 00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:17,640 Negative, sandpiper. Over. 64 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,140 Thanks. Out. 65 00:04:21,140 --> 00:04:24,650 What the hell is that? I don't know, man, it's like It's hovering out there. 66 00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:26,080 [rumbling] Holy-- 67 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,550 Did--did you see-- Did you see how fast That thing was going? 68 00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:29,850 Nothing moves that fast. 69 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,020 It's gone. 70 00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:38,730 I think we just saw a u.F.O. 71 00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,830 [both laughing] 72 00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:46,800 You didn't happen to get The license plate number On that thing, did you? 73 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,310 No, But the bumper sticker said, 74 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:51,310 "55,000 miles per hour. A law we can live with." 75 00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:03,250 Fay, do you have a minute? 76 00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:04,590 Why, sure, helen. What is it? 77 00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:06,420 Well, I was just going Over my books 78 00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,220 And I'm sure It was just an oversight, 79 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,160 But I noticed that You haven't paid Your lunch bill this month. 80 00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:12,360 I-I'm sure I did. 81 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,360 Uh, no, it's just that When someone pays me 82 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,370 I mark it down In my ledger right here. 83 00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:19,100 I'm sure you do, But I distinctly remember 84 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:21,600 Putting the money In an envelope And giving it to you. 85 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,440 $42.50. 86 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,280 Well, you know, memory can Play tricks on us sometimes. 87 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:32,050 Evidently your books Can play some tricks, too. 88 00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:35,550 Well, if you would like To look at my accounts, I can clearly show you-- 89 00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:38,050 Oh, helen, I wouldn't dream Of doubting your honesty. 90 00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:40,520 I'll just pay the bill 91 00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:42,020 Again. 92 00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:46,530 Forget it, fay. I don't care About the money. 93 00:05:46,530 --> 00:05:48,530 Uh, would it be all right If I give you a check? 94 00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,530 Fay, I'm not going to accept it. 95 00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:53,540 I have 2 forms Of identification. 96 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:54,670 Fay. 97 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,580 My bank has a service charge Of 5 cents for each check. 98 00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:10,520 Please excuse me, fay. 99 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:11,520 Here you go. 100 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,020 I couldn't take this, helen. 101 00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:17,030 I know how much A nickel means to you. 102 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,370 (brian) Roy, roy. 103 00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:24,370 [clears throat] Did your pilots Report seeing 104 00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:26,670 Anything strange tonight? I mean, besides your tie? 105 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,540 What are you getting at, Hackett? 106 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,040 Joe and I saw a u.F.O. 107 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,810 [helen gasping] Really? A u.F.O. 108 00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:36,310 Oh, I love that stuff. 109 00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:37,750 You know, close encounters Of the third kind, 110 00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:39,250 That's one of My favorite movies. 111 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,850 You know how That big mother ship Passed overhead? 112 00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:44,190 And, hey! Who knew truffaut Could act, huh? 113 00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:46,190 [laughing] Had this cute Little french accent-- 114 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,320 Yo, helen, Can I just jump in here? 115 00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:49,330 Just for one second. What did it look like? 116 00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:51,330 Ah, well, There was a blue light-- No, I mean the mother ship. 117 00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:53,200 I never saw the movie. What did it look like? 118 00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:55,530 It was this huge thing. Had lights all around it. 119 00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:57,530 Hey, hey, hey, I--I saw the real thing Myself, ok? 120 00:06:57,530 --> 00:07:00,540 There was a blue light, Shot from one part of the sky To the other 121 00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,540 In like 4 seconds, ok. Hovered there, 122 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,540 Shot straight up, Disappeared. 123 00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:05,840 Wow, that's really weird. 124 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,640 No, not really, I always wondered 125 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,080 When the people From his planet were Gonna come back for him. 126 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,580 I'm not kidding around, roy. I really did see this thing. 127 00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,380 Well, you're not alone, brian. 128 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:18,890 My mother-in-law claims She was abducted by aliens. 129 00:07:19,390 --> 00:07:21,390 Claims they took her Aboard their spaceship, 130 00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:24,390 Examined her genitalia And then sent her back. 131 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:30,430 I contend her neighbor vern Took her aboard his winnebago, 132 00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:33,500 But she's sticking To her story. 133 00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:37,010 Thank you, carl sagan For that close encounter Of the stupid kind. 134 00:07:37,010 --> 00:07:40,340 Now, would you get out Of here and finish working On that tower spotlight, huh? 135 00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:43,450 Brian, maybe that spotlight Is what you saw. 136 00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:45,010 Yeah, fay's probably right 137 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,780 Except you can see it A lot better 138 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:49,790 Once I take it out Of the truck And finish assembling it. 139 00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:51,220 Hackett, hackett. It could have been anything. 140 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,120 It could have been Heat lightning, 141 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,420 The northern lights, A meteor. 142 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:55,660 A big, florescent eagle. 143 00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:57,090 There you go. 144 00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:58,490 It could have been A weather balloon. 145 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,330 M-moving at the speed Of light? 146 00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:02,630 Well, you know, When the air's leaking out, They just... 147 00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:05,130 [spitting] 148 00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:07,640 Do you have to do that, Lowell? 149 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,140 Well, you do if you want To make the... 150 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,640 [spitting] Sound. 151 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,170 Look, look, If you don't believe me, 152 00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:15,180 Then why don't you Just ask joe, Because he saw it also. Right? 153 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,180 Saw what? 154 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,680 The u.F.O. They don't believe That we saw it. 155 00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:23,390 I don't know what You're talking about, brian. Stop fooling around. 156 00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:24,390 It's been a long night. 157 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:28,960 I know what I saw. 158 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,290 Gee, hackett, 159 00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:33,300 I don't know What to say. 160 00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:34,900 Oh, yes, I do. 161 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,400 Na-nu, na-nu, na-nu! 162 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,500 Hey, uh, 163 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,010 Do me a favor, Will you, joe? 164 00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:44,510 Can you see if there's A large dagger 165 00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:47,010 Sticking out of my back? Oh, that's right. Sorry. 166 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,250 You don't See anything. 167 00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:50,750 Brian, you saw it. 168 00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:52,750 I saw it. The mannequins In the plane saw it. 169 00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:54,250 But if word gets out About this, 170 00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:56,250 We're gonna be known As crackpot airlines. 171 00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:58,250 Well, excuse me, But it's difficult for me To be quiet 172 00:08:58,250 --> 00:09:01,260 About the most exciting Experience I've ever had In an airplane. 173 00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:02,760 Wait--wait a second. 174 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,260 Second most exciting... 175 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,260 Third... 176 00:09:07,260 --> 00:09:08,700 Do helicopters count? 177 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:11,600 Look, look, Business is bad enough. 178 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,100 We can't afford any bad press. 179 00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,040 All right, all right. I see your point. 180 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,040 I won't mention a word Of this to anybody else. 181 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,010 Where are those pilot Irregularity forms? 182 00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:23,010 No, you--you are not Filing a report on this To the f.A.A. 183 00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:25,010 There's no way I want this On permanent record. 184 00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,520 Joe, joe, you know As well as anybody else 185 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:31,320 That if a pilot sees something Out of the ordinary, He's required to report it. 186 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,090 Normally, I would agree-- Well, what are we Supposed do? 187 00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:34,520 Are we supposed To forget about it? 188 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,390 Maybe the f.A.A. Can explain this. 189 00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:38,390 Or maybe somebody's Already made out a report. 190 00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:39,800 Don't you want to know What we saw? 191 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,300 Yes, of course I do, 192 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,300 But you don't understand The ramifications of this, Brian. 193 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:47,100 Ramifications. Do you remember Fred atkins? 194 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,970 Yeah, he flew charter Out of new bedford. 195 00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,040 Right, well, He reported seeing a u.F.O. 196 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,040 The next thing he knew, He was blacklisted. They broke him. 197 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,550 Last I heard, he was Sitting on the corner Of 3rd and main, 198 00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:57,550 Selling used chewing gum. 199 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,190 That was fred atkins? You betcha. 200 00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:04,190 That gum was used? 201 00:10:12,030 --> 00:10:14,460 Here's your water, fay. Can I get you Anything else? 202 00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:16,870 No, thank you, I brought my lunch. 203 00:10:16,870 --> 00:10:18,740 Uh, what do I owe you For the water? 204 00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:20,240 Nothing. 205 00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:23,610 That napkin will Be $42.50. 206 00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:24,940 I paid you. 207 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:26,410 Oh, I beg to differ. 208 00:10:26,410 --> 00:10:28,740 You can beg all you want, I'm not paying you again. 209 00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,010 Ladies, ladies. 210 00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:33,020 Now this has gone on For over a week. 211 00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:35,520 I'm seeing a beautiful Friendship torn asunder, 212 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,520 Rent in twain, 213 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,020 Bifurcated. 214 00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:41,020 Lowell, Have you been listening 215 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:43,530 To those stupid Vocabulary tapes again? 216 00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:45,130 Indubitably. 217 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,300 Well, I know how to Solve this altercation. 218 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,300 Please enlighten us. 219 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:53,300 What? 220 00:10:57,310 --> 00:10:58,670 Tell us how. 221 00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:01,280 Well, you can do What the wife and I do. 222 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,280 Arm-wrestle. 223 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,250 Well, but you two can Leave your clothes on. 224 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:06,250 Or not. 225 00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:11,450 Lowell, I'm not going To arm-wrestle fay. 226 00:11:11,450 --> 00:11:13,460 [imitating chicken clucking] 227 00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:18,930 Are you Calling me a chicken? 228 00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:20,200 If the beak fits. 229 00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:25,530 Ok, you got it. Let's do it. 230 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,040 Great. I'll referee. 231 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,040 I love a good catfight. 232 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,540 All right, ladies. 233 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:35,040 We're playing by the marquis Of queensbury rules here. 234 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,050 Elbows on the table At all times. 235 00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:40,050 Spitting, biting And scratching 236 00:11:40,050 --> 00:11:42,550 Are, of course, Real crowd pleasers. 237 00:11:42,550 --> 00:11:43,550 All right, ladies, 238 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,190 Ready, 239 00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:46,620 Set, 240 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,560 Go. 241 00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:52,730 Give it up, fay. 242 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,830 In your dreams. 243 00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:57,970 Helen, I saw a cockroach 244 00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:59,470 Scurry under your counter 245 00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:01,970 And I followed him. You know, like I usually do. 246 00:12:01,970 --> 00:12:04,270 And then I-- Lowell, can this wait? 247 00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:06,280 Well, I thought it was... 248 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,280 Pertinent. 249 00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:10,780 Anyway, I... 250 00:12:10,780 --> 00:12:14,080 I found this envelope. It's got $42.50 in it. 251 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,820 That's the money I gave you. 252 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,120 It must have fallen Off the counter, fay. 253 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,030 I guess there's no reason To keep doing this. 254 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,860 So why don't we just quit? 255 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,130 Fine. Let go. No, you let go. 256 00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:32,300 No, you let go first. No, I-I'm not falling For that old trick. 257 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,900 It flew straight up 258 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:36,910 And it disappeared. 259 00:12:36,910 --> 00:12:38,410 So, 260 00:12:38,410 --> 00:12:40,580 What do you think, Inspector hanson? 261 00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:44,580 Well, that's A very interesting story, Mr. Hackett 262 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:48,580 But I'm afraid the f.A.A. Can't take your report At face value. 263 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,590 There are a few things We've found 264 00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:54,090 That cast some doubt On your, uh, credibility. 265 00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:55,590 My credibility. Like what? 266 00:12:55,590 --> 00:12:57,530 Well, it says here 267 00:12:57,530 --> 00:13:01,530 You once reported Seeing amelia earhart 268 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,030 Over the bermuda triangle. 269 00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:06,130 Yeah, yes, that was just-- I was playing a little joke 270 00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,500 On a buddy of mine, That's all. 271 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,840 Oh! 272 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:09,840 A joke. (brian) Yeah. 273 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:11,840 [feigning laughter] 274 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,210 Like this u.F.O. Sighting? 275 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:19,150 No, no, this is different. 276 00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:21,350 Well, how would I know that? 277 00:13:21,350 --> 00:13:24,650 Well, uh, My brother joe saw it, For one. 278 00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,390 Oh, really? Maybe I should talk to him. 279 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,290 No, no, you can't. 280 00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:30,790 It, well, it wouldn't do you Any good anyway. Because he's a... 281 00:13:30,790 --> 00:13:31,730 Mute. 282 00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:33,630 He's a mute. 283 00:13:35,430 --> 00:13:36,900 Joe, joe, uh, What are you doing here? 284 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,400 [door closing] I thought It was your day off. 285 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,900 I have some paperwork. 286 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,900 He speaks. It's a miracle. 287 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,310 Hi--hi, I'm joe hackett. 288 00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:47,710 So you're the other one Who was present At this alleged sighting. 289 00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:50,210 Inspector hanson, F.A.A. 290 00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:53,220 You went and filed That report, didn't you? 291 00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:55,680 Oh, he sure did. 292 00:13:56,590 --> 00:13:59,090 Frankly, off the record, I'm surprised. 293 00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:02,090 If you're looking For some attention For your little airline here, 294 00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:04,630 This is the wrong kind. 295 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,130 Listen, uh, Is there any way 296 00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:08,600 That we can make This report disappear? 297 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,600 I'm afraid It's a little late for that. 298 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,600 Have a nice day. 299 00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:19,710 What the hell Did you think You were doing? 300 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,210 I couldn't help myself. I wanted to find out What we saw. 301 00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,210 You better hope nothing Comes of this, brian. 302 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,720 You better hope It gets buried under tons Of bureaucratic paperwork 303 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,720 And no one else hears A thing about it, You know why? 304 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:32,220 Please tell me why, joe. I want you to go on And on and on about this. 305 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:35,460 Because if I lose my business, I'm holding you Personally responsible. 306 00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,830 Oh, come on! Look, all I want from you 307 00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:41,360 Is a promise That this goes no further. Not a word. 308 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,370 Ok, ok, fine, You have my word. 309 00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,870 From now on my story is: The only thing I saw that night 310 00:14:45,870 --> 00:14:47,870 Is the sky, The stars, the moon, 311 00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:50,370 And you, joe hackett. 312 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,950 Announcing the arrival Of aeromass flight 14 313 00:14:58,450 --> 00:14:59,980 From hartford. 314 00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:02,490 We at aeromass would like To congratulate Our colleagues 315 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,490 At sandpiper air For the inauguration 316 00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:08,490 Of their new nonstop service To the planet zoldar. 317 00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:12,230 Is there A brian hackett here? 318 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:15,630 Brian hackett? Yeah, that's me. 319 00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:18,470 Well, my colleagues and I Learned about Your u.F.O. Sighting. 320 00:15:18,470 --> 00:15:20,970 Uh--uh, now, I don't know anything About a u.F.O. 321 00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:23,410 We just want you to know That you're not alone. 322 00:15:23,910 --> 00:15:24,910 We've seen it, too. 323 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,830 So, exactly who are you? 324 00:15:44,330 --> 00:15:46,830 We're just people From different parts Of the country 325 00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:47,830 And different walks of life 326 00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,830 Who happen to share The common experience 327 00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:52,330 Of having seen a u.F.O. 328 00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:54,270 And because of the skepticism We've encountered 329 00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:56,270 From the government, Among others, 330 00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:59,540 We decided to form Our own independent Investigative unit. 331 00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,180 Well, I'm-- I'm afraid All you people have come 332 00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:02,180 An awful long way For nothing, 333 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,680 Because I didn't See anything. 334 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,620 Mr. Hackett, We have an informant At the f.A.A. 335 00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:08,120 We know You reported a sighting. 336 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,720 Who are you, the k.G.B.? 337 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,490 I--I tell you what, Why don't we just Bypass the rubber hoses 338 00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:15,990 And go straight on to ludmila And the compromising Videotape, ok? 339 00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:18,490 We all understand What you're going through, Mr. Hackett. 340 00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:21,000 Uh, please, Call me x.R.Q. 24. 341 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,230 We're all just Ordinary people. 342 00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:25,600 I'm a bookkeeper. 343 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,400 Al teaches physics In high school. 344 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,400 Tom's a dentist. 345 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,840 John's a contractor. 346 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,340 And I'm a pilot. Thank you all for coming To career day. 347 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,480 You know, none of us Wanted to see a u.F.O. 348 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,810 We didn't ask For this to happen. It was thrust upon us. 349 00:16:38,810 --> 00:16:40,620 All right, look, I--I already Told the f.A.A. My story. 350 00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:43,120 I don't feel like Sounding like a jackass Twice in one day. 351 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,950 Look, mr. Hackett, I--I understand how you feel. 352 00:16:45,950 --> 00:16:47,920 I'm a very Successful contractor, 353 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,430 But who wants Their kitchen remodeled 354 00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:53,260 By some whacko who Saw a u.F.O. Over His grandson's tree house. 355 00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:54,760 Who'd they send To talk to you? 356 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,270 Uh, an inspector hanson. 357 00:16:56,770 --> 00:16:57,900 Oh, hanson. 358 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:00,900 Now, they never send Hanson out unless They want to stop a report 359 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,400 Dead in its tracks. 360 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,240 So, your sighting Must have been significant. 361 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,910 Well, I-- you know... 362 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,010 I didn't see anything. 363 00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:10,880 Ok, ok, I'll tell you What you saw. 364 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,380 It was a blue light. 365 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,380 It flew from one side Of the sky to the other In a matter of seconds. 366 00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:19,990 At that point it either made A loop or it flew straight up And disappeared. 367 00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:21,090 (joe) It flew straight up. 368 00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:25,330 So you saw it, too. 369 00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:27,330 Oh, oh, oh, So apparently rats 370 00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:29,830 That desert a sinking ship Can get back on board. Ok, fine. 371 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,440 So, exactly What do you want from us? 372 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,610 We want you To take us up in your plane. 373 00:17:36,610 --> 00:17:37,940 Tonight? 374 00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,440 In new mexico They had sightings For 6 straight nights. 375 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,410 If the same holds true here, This is a perfect Window of opportunity. 376 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:45,780 Excuse me, excuse me. So, come on, joe, What do you say? 377 00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:47,180 Come on, what else Are you going to do besides? 378 00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:48,920 You're going to stay home And watch t.V.? 379 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,350 Well, I still have 5 hours Of the civil war To get through. 380 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:53,860 Let me save you some time. The north wins. 381 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,890 Come on, joe. Please, what do you say? Come on. 382 00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:59,330 All right, I'm with you. Great, let's go. 383 00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,730 Hey, joe, uh, Just out of curiosity, 384 00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,670 What made you Change your mind? 385 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,170 Well, before these people Came along, 386 00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:12,170 The only person That could corroborate My story was you. 387 00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,540 No offense, brian, But give me a break. 388 00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:26,320 I hope you don't mind Our inviting a reporter From the local paper along. 389 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,790 No, I guess it's ok. 390 00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:30,430 Anything we can do, To further the cause Of science. 391 00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:32,430 Kind of glad you came along, Aren't you? 392 00:18:32,430 --> 00:18:33,930 Yeah, I really am. 393 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,930 I haven't said much about it These last few days. 394 00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,700 But it has been On my mind constantly. 395 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,240 (reporter) Mr. Hackett, 396 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,740 What do you hope To accomplish tonight? 397 00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:45,240 Well, we don't know that We'll accomplish anything. 398 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,740 Ideally, we hope to see Another u.F.O., 399 00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:49,750 But if not, at the very least 400 00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,750 We'd like to Encourage other people 401 00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:53,750 Who have seen What we've seen To step forward 402 00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:55,250 And let their voices be heard. 403 00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:57,750 Yeah, yeah, That and to meet women. 404 00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:02,490 Thanks. 405 00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:05,490 Ah, there's the lighthouse. We're getting close To the spot where we saw it. 406 00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:07,000 Is there anything On the monitor? 407 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000 Not yet. 408 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,130 That's pretty fancy-looking Equipment you got there. What does it do? 409 00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:12,640 We discovered In previous sightings 410 00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:14,640 That there was a drop In atmospheric ionization 411 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:18,840 Within a 3-kilometer radius, So we brought along An ionization counter. 412 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,340 [beeping] Also a high-speed, Infrared camera, 413 00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:23,150 Gravitational flux monitor And an electronic Triangulator. 414 00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:26,450 Hmm, you guys get The home-shopping channel On cable, don't you? 415 00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:28,450 [beeping] Uh, I'm getting A reading. 416 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:31,450 4.56 by 32 On the grid. 417 00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:33,460 Ionization 50 m.K.G. And falling. 418 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:37,460 Magnitude 3, Fluctuating at 550. 419 00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:38,760 Oh, I don't See anything yet. 420 00:19:39,030 --> 00:19:40,500 Prepare for A close encounter. 421 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,900 This is getting exciting. 422 00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:45,730 I hope they know We come in peace. 423 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,980 Joe, don't... 424 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,280 Don't turn around. Why? 425 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,020 Just trust me On this one. Just don't. 426 00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:02,650 No, no, joe, don't! Don't! 427 00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:03,650 Oh! 428 00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,950 What are you doing? Hey, no, no. 429 00:20:05,950 --> 00:20:08,760 "Joe hackett, Owner of sandpiper airlines 430 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,260 And leader Of u.F.O. Expedition Demonstrates alien salute." 431 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,770 This is so humiliating. 432 00:20:17,770 --> 00:20:20,770 You know, joe, you should Wear hats more often. You look good in foil. 433 00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:21,970 Good night, fellas. 434 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,970 Good night, roy. Hey, and, you know, roy, 435 00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:25,970 You haven't said A thing about this all day. 436 00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,980 I'm getting kind of nervous. 437 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,780 Go ahead, mock us. You have a right. 438 00:20:30,050 --> 00:20:32,080 Oh, no, no, hackett, This is, uh, 439 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,580 This is too easy For a man of my talents. 440 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,590 It would be like Hooking a dead fish. 441 00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:41,090 You've taken all the sport Out of it. 442 00:20:42,090 --> 00:20:43,590 Good night, fellas. 443 00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:46,130 [roy whistling] He may be slime, But he's got standards. 444 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:48,560 Good night, boys. 445 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:49,930 (both) Night, fay. 446 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:50,930 How's your arm, Helen? 447 00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:53,440 Ah, it's a little sore, But I'll be fine. 448 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,370 Good night, everybody. Who won The arm-wrestling match? 449 00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:56,740 Oh, fay licked me. 450 00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:58,240 Ah, she beat you, huh? 451 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,740 No, she licked me. She literally licked my hand. 452 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,250 I was so startled She caught me off guard, Pinned me to the table. 453 00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:09,420 Experience beats youth Every time. 454 00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:15,420 We did see something Out there, didn't we, joe? Yes, we did. 455 00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:18,430 I mean, We might not know what it was, But it was there, right? 456 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,000 What do you think? 457 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,500 Do you believe There are actually Alien spacecrafts up there 458 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:26,500 Making visits to earth? 459 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:28,500 I don't know. 460 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,810 It sounds crazy. But I mean, There are plenty of things That you can't explain. 461 00:21:30,810 --> 00:21:35,310 The easter island statues And those circles In the english wheat fields. 462 00:21:35,310 --> 00:21:37,810 Why decaf coffeepots Are orange, you know. 463 00:21:39,310 --> 00:21:41,150 You look up at the sky, 464 00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:44,120 All the stars, The vastness Of the universe... 465 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,620 And it makes you realize How arrogant we are 466 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,620 To think that earth Is the only planet with life. 467 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,630 Makes you feel Kinda insignificant, Doesn't it? 468 00:21:51,630 --> 00:21:54,130 Not when my shoes Are shined. 469 00:21:54,130 --> 00:21:56,130 Well, I don't care What anyone says, 470 00:21:56,130 --> 00:21:59,070 I think there's got to be Intelligent life forms Up there somewhere. 471 00:21:59,470 --> 00:22:00,570 [whirring] 472 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,070 What the hell is that? 473 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:05,570 (lowell) Hey, guys, I finally got This stupid light to work. 474 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,080 Ah, if you think It's bright now, Watch this. 475 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,880 [whirring] 476 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,150 [electricity surges] 477 00:22:14,650 --> 00:22:16,150 Whoops. 478 00:22:16,150 --> 00:22:18,150 Meanwhile, the search For intelligent life 479 00:22:18,150 --> 00:22:19,660 Here on earth continues.